Joke: Prostitutes and Drug Dealers

Q. What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A. A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Joke: The nun and the cabby

One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.

"Why are you laughing?" Asked the nun.
"Oh, It's nothing." said the cabby.
"No, really." said the nun "I won't mind."

So the Cabby told her:
"Well, It's really silly but I've always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun."

"Well then, whats your name?" The nun asked
"Robert"
"Are you married?"
"No."
"Are you christian?"
"Yes."
"Then Pull into the next alley."

The cabby was stunned. but he didn't want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab.

While driving, the cabby started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the nun
"I'm sorry, I've lied."
"How so?"
"Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I'm Jewish."

"Well, I've done a bit of lying too..." smiled the nun "My name is George and I'm going to a costume party."

Successful Mating

Successful Mating

Santa and Banta are in the pub. Both are skint and in dire need of some money. All they have is one pig each, and if by luck one is male and the other female. So, after having some beers they hit on a marvelous plan to make money By mating the two pigs they will have lots of little piggies to sell.

Next morning Santa gets up, dumps the female pig in a wheelbarrow and walks around to Banta's farm. He introduces her to the male pig and after much sniffing, serious bonking ensues.

"How will I know she's pregnant?" enquires Santa.

"Easily," replies Banta, "When you get up, look at the pig and if she's rolling in mud she's pregnant, if she 's eating grass she isn't so you will have to come back."

Next morning Santa dashes to the window and the pig is happily eating grass in the field.

"Damn," he says going downstairs and grabs the pig and puts her in the wheelbarrow. He trundles off to the other farm and more bonking ensues.

This goes on all week with no success. One morning Santa tells the wife to look out the window and tell him what the bloody pig is doing.

"Is she eating grass?" he asks.

"NO," says the wife.

"Is she rolling in the mud?"

"No," says the wife.

"What the hell she doing then," he cries.

"She's in the wheelbarrow waiting for you!"

Doctor Banta!

Doctor Banta!

A Doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients".

"Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks, "So, Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin."

"Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"

And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes!!!

One Nighter

One Nighter

Santa and Banta walk into a bar scamming for two-legged females.

Santa says, "Hey, check out the girl over there. I'll bet she's really hot in bed!"

He proceeds to go over and make small talk with her. Before long, they both leave for a one-nighter.

The next day, they meet up and are again scamming for anything that breathes.

This time Banta goes over to the same girl, pinches her in the rear, and the two were off for a quickie.

Fifteen minutes later, Banta comes back and compares notes with Santa.

Santa says, "I think my wife is better."

Banta nods his head and says, "Yeah, your wife is much better!"

First Time Sex

First Time Sex

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces that after dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"